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              开出尘埃的花

              时间:2017-12-04 来源:原创 作者:浊酒清忧 阅读:9
                

                青春是一条靓丽的风景线,它承载着懵懂年纪的所有单纯天真,还有善良执着……
                
                张楠是我所有朋友中最痴情的一个,高一喜欢的女孩,一直跌打滚爬的追到高三,可是,那又怎样?喜欢就是喜欢,就算孤城荒岛,也要一赌倾城,他说……
                
                三年光阴,一千多个日夜,从最初的拒绝到慢慢谈心,从慢慢的谈心到关系的拉近,从关系的拉近到习惯一个人的好,是张楠多少次伤痛的努力?记得高二的圣诞节,张楠发起了第66次追求,画面温馨浪漫,在学校外的奶茶吧里,简单的小包间,一张玻璃的方桌,几十根蜡烛围成的桃心,蜡烛里面摆着苹果围成的桃心,两个桃心外放着女孩最喜欢吃的巧克力蛋糕,也是桃心型的,蛋糕中间刻着女孩的小名“晨曦”,名字下方写着520,这是张楠早就着手准备好的,时间定格,傍晚六点零六分,晨曦的好友会提前两分钟带着晨曦到场,滴答滴答滴答,手表转动的节奏像极了张楠的心,看似平静,却在每一分每一秒中走的极其忐忑……
                
                蜡烛点燃,在六点零二分,张楠望着温暖的烛光和烛光下的一切,嘴角露出会心一笑,是的,浪漫温馨的告白,应当算是每个女孩都渴望或者都喜欢的告白方式吧!站在张楠旁边的我,望着烛火燃烧,仿佛听见冬天的一场故事,缓缓上演……
                
                时间再次定格,六点零四分,女孩的好友带着她如期而至,她望着张楠,看着包房里的一切,楞了三十秒,张楠望着她,等她回过神来笑着说:“晨曦,六点六分,66次,是以你生日为起点的喜欢,是一年不放弃的喜欢,是我只想对你好的喜欢,晨曦,喜欢没有理由,没有界限,喜欢就是喜欢,而我,就是喜欢你,晨曦,做我女朋友吧……”,深情而忘我的告白,使张楠的手情不自禁的放在了晨曦的肩头,对于晨曦,可以看出的感动,红的眼,润的角,只差一个点头,那一刻,时间是安静的,我们也是安静的,她揉揉眼睛,望了望我们和她的朋友,“答应他吧”这是她朋友说出来的话,也是我和另一个同学说出来的话,只是说出来的时候没有以往告白的起哄,是来自真心发自肺腑希望,只是遗憾,在深情的告白也抵不过内心里别人的存在,她弯下身子,一个九十度的鞠躬,在起身,她说“谢谢你,谢谢你喜欢我那么久,谢谢你给的感动,谢谢你为我做的一切,但我只能说谢谢”然后,转身离开,不等所有人反应,也不等张楠或者她朋友言语,就毅然的离去,到最后,彼此的无言,只能留下张楠和空荡荡的房间,而桌面上的一切,只是痛苦记忆的点……
                
                你不走近我的世界,我就走进你的世界,不去言语,只做朋友……
                
                那天之后,张楠堕落了些日子,每日以酒解愁,而上学仿佛成了他的副业,作为同学朋友,我们也是极力劝说,什么“天涯何处无芳草,何必单恋一枝花”、什么“相爱不如相知,相知不如相思,相思不如不相识”、什么“人生路上两不误,从此相逢是陌路”等等,可谁知?青春的感情就是执着与犯傻,或许,陈奕迅唱的那句歌词“得不到的永远在骚动”才是感情的真谛,以至于张楠颓废过后,换了新的状态,找到那个女生说“我们从重新认识吧,你好,我叫张楠,你呢?”,然后,便把喜欢放在内心深处,带上朋友的面具,以朋友的形式走进她的生活,可是,这样之后,张楠就更不开心了,大概是因为熟悉之后,知道的太多,所以才会更难过……
                
                后来的日子里,张楠跟我说,晨曦跟他交心后,张楠才知道,原来张楠告白的第二天晨曦就答应了他的同桌,他说“心里有座城,葬着未亡人,未亡人未死,城池不是城”,我想,那时的张楠一定很痛苦,可还要表现出无所谓的样子,他接着说,有些时候,晨曦心情不好,总会给他打电话一阵唠叨,有时还会哭,哭着哭着就无声的睡着了,而他却还在电话那头等待回音,许久之后,张楠才对着电话说声晚安,有些时候,晨曦无聊了,总想找事情做,男朋友不理他,只能找张楠,张楠了,为了使她不无聊,就收藏很多冷热笑话,逗她笑,或者故意唱歌跑调让她纠正,这样一来一去,也就不无聊……可这样的日子总该有个头吧,我问?他说只要她能开心,他就能快乐,其他的都不重要。再往后的日子里,张楠一直如此,陪她说话,和她逛街,听她失恋,当她垃圾桶,最后,读懂她,只是,恋人未满,友情至上。听到这,我忽然想起电视剧《匆匆那年》里的乔燃,爱着方茴,却不能说起,懂着方茴,却不能守护,见到你过得幸福,也就知足……
                
                张爱玲说:“别问爱值不值得,因为你知道,爱就是不问值不值得”
                
                在诸多言情剧里,都有类似的剧点,只是比较现实,经历过得人才更刻苦铭心……
                
                2014年6月6日,距离高考只有十几天的时间里,张楠突然跟我说:“木子,我又要告白了”,我望着他,期待他说出的人不是她,可是事实就是,他说“在她分手的时间里,日夜陪伴她的是我,明白她的是我,读懂她的还是我,无论她心情好或者不好,我都在,而她,也离不开我的存在,因为现在,我一天不跟她说话,她就会生气,不满,我想,这就是依赖,我想,这也算走进她内心世界的一种方式,而这次的告白,我想我会成功”,我回他“快高考了,别瞎闹,好好复习,争取有个好成绩,进入好大学”,他笑着说“没有瞎闹,我很认真,不过,我是要等高考完之后才做最后一次告白”,我问他“为什么说是最后一次呢?”,他思忖了下没有回答,然后转身走了,我想,那一刻,张楠自己都没想好是不是最后一次吧。望着张楠离去的背影,忽然间有种酸楚升腾,仿佛我看到了开头,也猜到了结尾……
                
                别把习惯的荷尔蒙充斥着神经,别把习惯的冲动当做爱情……
                
                是的,如果有一天,你身边出现了这样一个人,不管何时何地,只要你需要了,他都会在,即使相隔千里,他也会回来,那么,你把他(她)当成依赖的习惯早已注定,而恍惚的情感有时也会误以为……
                
                正如张楠所言,高考完之后,一场更精心更浪漫的告白发起了总攻,在市区的KTV里,教室一半大小的包房里,挂满了66张晨曦的照片,桌面上啤酒与酒杯摆成的桃心,地上五颜六的气球,还铺了一张红毯,然后,在暖色灯光的渲染下,浪漫而不失韵味。那晚,并没有太过深情的告白,只是张楠抱着一束花说着“开始和最后,我都在,而你却是我想要的永远!被蛐硎钦娴谋舜肆私,所以能感受到对方的心思,就像这一场看似精心准备的告白,其实是为最初的努力和一直压抑的情感画上句点,而我从开始到最后都只是旁观者……
                
                朋友的爱情,就像火车的两头,闲暇时合为一体,忙碌时却朝着各自的方向……
                
                那一段日子,两个人你浓我浓的,甜蜜的要死,殊不知,暗潮汹涌的不是彼此,而是现实……
                
                都习惯了校园生活,换做活法是对自己的考验,所以,他们与我们也纷纷走上了暑假工的道路,只是后来,他们发生了什么,我并不知道,只是张楠跟我说起“他们的爱情,就像火车的两头,闲暇时合为一体,忙碌时却各奔东西……”,再后来,张楠就很少和我说起他们,而我也不会问起……
                
                如果你要走,请不要叫醒装睡的人……
                
                2014年的9月,我还未去上大学之前,张楠约我喝过一次酒,也算是饯别,我不知道这意味着什么,但我知道这是一个终点……
                
                张楠的爱情,还是走到了终点,那过往的一千多个日夜也就彻底完结,他说:“当你拼命喜欢一个人的时候,你就是成了疯子,傻子,会把所有的伤害都当成一种考验,还自我安慰地说,她会是你的”,原来,所有的藕断丝连真的可以让丢失的爱情破镜重圆,原来,她心里一直有个他。张楠告白成功的第三个星期,伤害晨曦的同桌又回来找到晨曦,说了诸多当初伤害她的借口与理由,而那段时间,虽然两人在同一个地方上班,也同样的忙碌,但有一方的心已经迷离,开始远去,我想,那时张楠说的闲暇时合为一体,并不是指他们,而是他们,而忙碌时却朝着不同方向则指的是她的心……
                
                张楠是个聪明人,也了解她,所以她的异常在张楠眼里早就放的无限大,只是他从未说起,还是一样的对她好,给她做早餐,洗衣服,生病了关心,难过了呵护,或许,正是因为这样的好,才让她依依不舍,从六月拖到了七月末,也或许,她是在考验她的同桌,但不管怎样,他们还是走到了终点,不说分手,没有挽留……
                
                开始是因为喜欢,后来是因为在一起,最后是因为放不下……
                
                又是一个三年,本来早就没有联系的张楠忽然找到了我,很诧异,但也没有过多表现,原以为的陌生,在彼此久违的熟悉间拉近了距离,是的,新三年,旧三年,跌跌撞撞还三年,聊了许多,说了过去,也谈了如今,只是时间吓人,彼此都唏嘘不已……可再次提到晨曦,竟未想到,他俩还有联系,他说“木子,你说的对,爱就是不问值不值得,我有所放弃,也有所执着,我们不在可能,却彼此相守,彼此帮助,我们都活在彼此的心里”,听完这一句话,脑袋里忽然想起张爱玲的爱情,她说“见了他,她变得很低很低,低到尘埃里,从尘?龌ɡ础,这是张爱玲对胡兰成的爱,而张楠了,或许也是吧……
                
                

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